NO EXPORT FOR YOU!!

I really need to get better at this updating thing… I’m sorry, I pretty much only go to write something when I can actually think of something to write and forget that this blog actually exists in the interim.

Anywho, my rant today is about a very irritating thing that impacts a few things that I am interested in. Since I can’t actually think of something to properly call it due to my brain being under the malevolent control of TV Tropes, so I’ll call it thing same thing it’s called on TV tropes. Today, I will be complaining about no export for you. No export for you is, for those of you too lazy to click the link, the process of a product not being exported to a country for no good reason. To illustrate my point, I’ll bring up four specific examples because they’re things that I am interested in and the lack of exportyness bugs me and fills me with a violent rage. So prepare for some geekitude and utter childishness, because I intend to throw a cyber-tantrum AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME!

For those of you that are bothered by spoilers, I’ll be talking about Digimon, Kingdom Hearts, Power Rangers, Pokemon and I bring up Dollhouse towards the end. And since I personally don’t care about spoilers most of the time, I’ll not hold back any info about any part of any series if I think that it deserves to be mentioned as part of my rant, regardless of how major said spoiler may be. If you don’t like spoilers and you haven’t been through the whole damn series, then either skip paragraphs or please leave until you are aware of every little thing that happens in the series so you can’t possibly be spoiled, because I will not be bound by limitations such as a specific game even if that game is indeed what I am supposed to be ranting about. With that in mind however, I don’t expect the Pokemon part to include any information about the games or anime as I’ll be ranting purely about a Pokedex app.

I’m gonna sort these as chronologically as I can remember off the top of my pretty little noggin, so let us begin with the lack of exports for Digimon games. While now this may be more a case of “I just can’t find the damn things” it wasn’t always, not merely being an irritation for people that couldn’t find the games, but actually causing confusion in the dubbed adaptations of Digimon Zero Two and Digimon Tamers. This confusion was caused by the character Ryo, the player avatar in a series of Wonderswan video games that were only released in Japan. While Ryo was not exactly a key character in either season (only appearing in a very brief flashback in Zero Two, and only being an issue in Tamers if you caught onto his previous appearance in Zero Two, keeping in mind that almost every season of Digimon is set in an alternate universe from all the others), his appearances do only make sense if you played the Wonderswan games. In Zero Two, the lack of Wonderswan game releases also caused confusion regarding part of the backstory for Ken Ichijouji, one of the Digi-Destined of the season, as he had a role in at least one of them as Ryo’s friend and both acquired his Digimon partner Wormmon and was infected by the Dark Spore that would set up the opening conflict of the season and ultimately power the final Big Bad. The same flashback that set all this up also raised questions like “what the ever-loving clusterfuck is that massive dying Digimon in the background that is haemorrhaging Dark Spores?”. THIS BURNING QUESTION BUGGED ME SO DAMN MUCH until I discovered Digimon wikis… It was Milleniummon, for anyone that cares. If you want more info, look it up yourself, my name ain’t google. But my point is, in this case lack of exports weren’t just fucking annoying, it didn’t help ease the confusion of a show that wasn’t lacking in plot holes. Even all this time later, the games with Ryo still haven’t been released outside of Asia and if you want to understand a thing about how he can appear in two entirely separate universes you need a cliff notes version of them cuz it is wiggy as hell. Alternatively, you could watch JesuOtaku’s Digimon reviews. She discusses what she calls “the problem of Ryo” in her Zero Two and Tamers reviews and sums up pretty much the whole Ryo situation. It works for me, so shut up. Watch the reviews, they're good.

And I am pretty sure I got side-tracked… Anywho, next on my list of complaints is Kingdom Hearts. Now, admittedly this does bug me as much anymore since most if not all of the games are being remastered and released on the PS3 in two little sets that neatly tidy up the Xehanort saga (and I suspect there may be a third including the games up to and including KH 3 when it is finally released, it'd make sense, three games per set, covers the whole saga). But I shall still complain about it because of reasons! First thing is the Final Mixes. Kingdom Hearts 1, 2 and Birth by Sleep all got Final Mix releases that were only released in Japan. Each contains material that is both canon and desperately important to future installments of the series. For instance, in Kingdom Hearts Final Mix we do battle with Xemnas, the Big Bad of KH 2 and a recurring foe in Dream, Drop, Distance, a battle which is considered canon by Tetsuya Nomura and the developers of the KH series. I can’t remember too many other things that that one added, with the exception of Neoshadow Heartless, which would become recurring enemies in any games that the Heartless would actually be fought in and several new Keyblades. Final Mix + (the Final Mix for KH 2), would be even worse in this regard, allowing you to fight the Lingering Sentiment, who players would later control in one of the many parts of the final battle against Master Xehanort and Vanitas, as well as allowing battles against the members of Organisation XIII that weren’t fought and killed throughout the game with the obvious exceptions of Xemnas and Roxas. The game also includes more scenes with the remaining members of the Organisation and, most damning of all, it includes a brief scene that shows that Xemnas has Aqua’s armour and is searching Castle Oblivion for a room similar to the one he keeps Aqua’s armour in, since we later find out he’s searching for Ventus for a reason that currently escapes my fanboy brain. BUT I AM ENRAGED NONETHELESS! Birth by Sleep Final Mix doesn’t bug me as much, simply because most of the things added to it were added to the Western release first and simply carried over. The only thing of note that was really added from there, to my knowledge, were a few battles against the Lingering Sentiments of Masters Eraqus and Xehanort, and maybe a couple of new Keyblades for defeating said foes. And lest I forget (again), Final Mix + also included a copy of re:Chain of Memories, a remake of the Game Boy Advance game set between KH 1 and 2. While it was released in North America as a stand-alone game a few months after Final Mix + was released, it was never released outside of North America. Despite that all that was really needed was some different region coding! I AM IN A RAGE, MY DEAR SIRS AND MADAMS!

Next on my list of non-exporty peeves is, yes, Power Rangers. At some point last year, I was made aware of DVD releases for every season of Power Rangers up to this point. As a fanboy that regularly collects TV-on-DVD collections, I was naturally excited. So when I discovered that these releases were only to be made in North America, I was fucking pissed. Yes, at this point they’ve only released up to Lost Galaxy, but that is still 7 seasons of Power Rangers that I could happily wittle away until the other seasons were released. No, there is no reason that they couldn’t be released here. Unless of course, Saban or TimeLife, whichever is responsible for the distribution of the DVD’s,  are massive douchecanoes that want to piss me off and deny me the chance to endlessly watch the good, the bad and the cheesiness that was the Power Rangers Zordon Era. Because dear lord, was it cheesy! And yes, it was often excruciatingly bad. But when it was good, it was really fucking good. The Green With Evil arc of MMPR season 1, Countdown to Destruction and the Psycho Rangers arc of In Space, hell, even the destruction of the Power Chamber at the end of Turbo are just a few of the things that I would love to watch over and over again. Plus, attempting to finally get the various morphing sequences down? That would be brilliant. The only problem I have with that is that I lack the toys of the morphers to practise with. OH GOD I WANT TO REMEDY THIS!

And finally, I turn my sights to Pokemon. Like Kingdom Hearts, this annoys me less (although with how much I wrote about KH, I’m sure it seems like it bothers me so very much). Whereas with KH it doesn’t bug me as much because the issue will soon be remedied, here my issue is with supplementary material that is extremely easy to get. So you might wonder “if it’s so easy to get, why the hell does he care?” The answer is simple. While I not only can, but I do get the info from various sources, the one that I want is denied me. My issue is with an official, Nintendo released Pokedex for iOS. While it has been released in Japan and North America, it still hasn’t been released in Australia. As an Australian that fucking wants this app like there’s no freaking tomorrow, this pisses me off. And while I’m not adverse using the internet to get free versions of things (reading manga as it is released weekly instead of buying the bound volumes and having to wait several months for the next part of the story, watching comedy specials on youtube instead of trying to hunt for the DVD’s, which I’m also sure haven’t been released here, there may be a conspiracy involved, blah blah blah, etc.), when and if I can support the people that create and release any of these various forms of media, I would prefer to. While with anime I get around this by preferring not to buy a series until it is complete, I’ll buy music and delete older copies that I downloaded. If I’ve downloaded a show and I’ve bought part of it, I’ll delete the files that correspond to the DVD’s I bought. And so it is with the Pokedex for iOS. I could get information on the various Pokemon from various free sources, but I would rather buy the (admittedly, expensive) app and support the creators of Pokemon. But I can’t. And that doesn’t not make Ashy a happy chappy. It makes me cranky. And, while I may be good at it, I dislike being cranky.

So in conclusion to this oddly long rant, I am a foolish, foolish boy who will pay bucket loads of cash for things he can get for free, I will be bitter at my lack of ability to track things down, I will be paranoid that things are really, truly being withheld from Australian markets in a giant conspiracy to drive me completely bonkers because I am clearly important enough for such a thing to occur. I do not understand why things are not exported when there is no good reason not to export them. It seems to me that doing so is really just needlessly limiting the potential revenue that these companies could be making. But if Fox could can Joss Whedon’s Firefly and Dollhouse, then I suppose the people in charge of these things are completely stupid. Yes, people in charge of various powerful companies the world over, I just called you stupid. Especially whoever canned Firefly and Dollhouse. I hope those people were fired for incompetence. I may not have seen much of Firefly, but what I have seen of it was brilliant. And Dollhouse? Occasionally extremely uncomfortable, but a completely brilliant show with practically limitless potential complemented by a versatile, amazing cast of actors and actresses. The dude that played Victor? Sweet Jesus, how does he act? So many different personas, such wonderful acting. Loved the one where his and Echo’s imprints were switched. Hilarious. And how Ballard acted when he found him? So beautiful. If that imprint didn’t spawn hundreds of fan fics, I don’t know what will. Would have liked to see more of the time between the end of season 2 and the Epitaphs, specifically in relation to Alpha. SO MUCH FUCKING POTENTIAL YOU STUPID PEOPLE AT FOX!

F**KING MALWARE!

OK, OK, it’s been a couple weeks since I last blogged. My bad. I plead exceptionally lazy. Blame my subconscious procrastination skills cuz I legit don’t do it on purpose, most of the time. But that isn’t what I’m gonna be talking about today. Maybe another day, I dunno. Enjoy the ~potential foreshadowing~.

No, today I’m gonna talk about malware. I’ve chosen this topic specifically because I have been DREADFULLY INCONVENIENCED and had my facebook account temporarily suspended, supposedly due to malware issues. I’ve been locked out for about a week at this point and have tried dozens of methods to try and unlock it. I have scanned my computer with every computer scanning tool at my disposal, I have downloaded and used the computer scanning program that facebook has specifically recommended in its unhelpful help page, I have performed pagan rituals and utilised the darkest of magics to unlock my account (OK, maybe I haven’t done the last one, but you get the point). Between every scanner, only about half a dozen viruses have been found in total, and all have been removed. When I try and login to facebook, I’m sent to a page to download a malicious program remover that doesn’t freaking work. I’ve sent in forms to try and ask them to unlock it, only to be told that they’ll look into it if they can be bothered. I’ve reset my password like a dozen times at this point. Everything else that I’m told to try, I can’t even get at because you need to be logged in to get at the pages in the first. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

So yes, I’m a little cranky. In the meantime, I figured I might as well bore anyone that bothers to come to this page to read my wiggy little rants with a wiggy little rant on malware. At the very least, it gives me something to do and I get to learn about something. Yay. I’ll get the pseudo-intellectual shieβe out of the way first, shall I? Yes, I shall. Cuz this is my blog and I make the rules. MWAHAHAHAHA!!! *thunder claps*

Malware is short for malicious software. Fairly basic, but shut up. I’m writing as I’m learning, gimme a break. Malware is really a kind of umbrella term, used to describe any type malicious program that attacks a computer, such as a computer virus, computer worm, trojan horses, spyware, adware, blah, blah, blah. These tools are used by douchebags to disrupt computer operations, gather sensitive information and/or gain access to private computer systems and can be hidden in the coding, scripts and even active content of any form of software.

I’m gonna leave it there, mainly cuz the logistics of the whole thing doesn’t really interest me. These things happen. I’m here to rant, and rant I shall damnit! Basically the people that create and use any form of malware are douchebags and should be kicked in the balls repeatedly. With steel capped boots. I mean, I could see how it would be useful in a war or something, sure. I’m not saying that I like that either, but I can understand why malware would be used. And logically I can understand why spyware would be useful for criminals, spying on a person’s computer usage, getting usernames and passwords for all kinds of things. But I don’t understand why someone would write a code of virus intended to do nothing less than irritate people that they’ve never even met. Hell, if a computer gets too many viruses and the like, it will be practically inoperable. What’s the point? To be a fucking asshole? Congratulations writers of the various forms of malware, you have succeeded in being a royal asshole. For an idea of the reaction that I have towards these people, I encourage you to watch George Takei address some homophobic douchebag. I feel that Mr. Takei is the perfect example of my hatred for people that do this. It is very irritating. Just like those fucking trolls. *grumble, grumble*

Anyway, I’ve ranted all I can think about ranting about this. The only way I could continue it is by ranting about fucking trolls. And I didn’t post about that for a reason. I can’t remember what that reason was, but there was a reason damnit! Back to the point, I hope I didn’t bore you too much, dear readers, thank you for cyber-listening and slightly belated happy new year.

OK, one little last thing cuz I simply have to geek out my excitement that I just learnt how to make a sentence a link, so I don't have to use endnotes. YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! SO EXCITED! I feel accomplished.